Where's Squidward?
by leroyjenkinsthe45th
Summary: Patrick can't seem to find Squidward, and he loses his mind in the process... Read and Review.
1. Chapter 1

Patrick picked up the red phone off the side of his bed and started to dial the number on his desk.

"Hum, 233-2432." _That's not a number._

Patrick put down the phone and got himself out of bed. Going through the same routine he went through every day he brushed his teeth and put on a new pair on pants (not that it mattered), and headed out. Patrick thought of his plans for the day.

_I wonder what Squidward's doing today? _

Patrick walked up to Squidward's house. He reached up and gently knocked on the door.

"THUMP, THUMP, THUMP." No answer.

_Maybe Squidward's hurt. Or worse... missing work. _Patrick stared at the door. _He gives me no other choice, I'm going in.__  
_

Patrick slammed himself the door full force and broke into the house._  
_

"Don't worry Squidward I'm here to save you!".

Patrick rushed through the living room up the stairs to Squidward's bedroom.

_Nobody's here, OH NO!. Squidward's been kidnapped!  
_

Patrick rushed to the bathroom and searched the bathtub. _He's not here._

Then he searched Squidward's toilet. _He's not here either._

Patrick opened the cabinet, frantically moving various shampoo and skin lotions out of the way. _Ohhh Bosley, I always wanted hair._

After stuffing several cremes and ointments into his pants Patrick finally came to the realize the truth of the situation... _  
_

_I'm bald._

Patrick broke down crying, creating wet spots all over Squidward's floor. "HOW COULD I BE SO NAIVE!" "I'M BALD!"

Patrick went back down the steps but tripped and fell halfway though and rolled down the rest of the way.  
He picked himself up. "I need comfort food".

Patrick walked to kitchen and raided Squidward's refrigerator. Then he sat back down and pouted. "Spongebob always knew, I guess he was in on it". "Make fun of Patrick cause he's bald".

_Squidward's not bald, Spongebob's not bald. Or is he. That's not the point Patrick, you've been betrayed._

Patrick slammed his fist into Squidward's table, breaking it. "I trust no one!".

He got up and surveyed his surroundings. The mess he created.

_Oh my gosh I forgot to look for Squidward!_ He stared at the refrigerator. "This is all your fault!" The refrigerator sat there. Patrick fumed.

"Say something!"

He picked the refrigerator up and slammed it into the ground. Tearing it in two.

"Now I can go back to finding my friend".

Patrick walked out the way he came in. Except this time there was no door. Patrick sat down in the open sand to brainstorm.

_Why would Squidward leave, certainly not because of me... or Spongebob. _Patrick thought back to the night before, he was watching Bikini Bottoms Most Wanted...

FLASHBACK

"Never suspected, Ian Terrorfish was arrested on 2 counts of robbery in the first degree, and kidnapping".

(This was followed by a very ugly picture of a Photoshopped Fish in a jail cell)

"So", continued the announcer, "Always be on alert for constant vigilance, its always the one's we least expect that cause the most trouble". "For Bikini Bottom's Most Wanted, I'm Perch Perkins". "Remember, stay safe and always be on the lookout for crime in your area".

FLASHFORWARD

Patrick went back inside Squidward's house. He surveyed the mess around him. _"Never suspected, Ian Terrorfish was arrested on 2 counts of robbery in the first degree, and kidnapping"_, rung in the back of his mind.

_This place is trashed, someone has been in here. _Patrick walked into the kitchen.

"All of this searching has made me hungry". Patrick stared in disgust at the sight before him. "What Monster!"

Patrick sat down beside the broken refrigerator trying to put the pieces back together. Patrick pulled his head up and shouted, "WHAT ANIMAL WOULD DO THIS!".

Patrick broke down and started to sob. "It had so much promise, but it was taken away!" "How am I supposed to eat without Squidward's refrigerator!"

Then he stopped.

_No Patrick, crying won't help anything. Just think, what would Squidward do. _

He looked over at Squidward's amateurish self-portrait. "Squidward wouldn't cry, or break down in self pity." "No, Squidward would get to the bottom of this!". "But where should I start?"._  
_

Patrick marched upstairs to Squidward's bedroom.

_At least the bed is in good shape._ Patrick walked up to the bed and smelled the covers. "He was here this morning, I can feel it." "If he got out of bed.. he might have went to the restroom!"

Patrick walked over to Squidward's bathroom. "Oh my gosh!"

"Somebody has raided Squidward's cabinet!" Patrick slammed the cabinet door, causing it to break.

_Don't worry Squidward I'll find you._ "Never again!"

Patrick stomped down the stairs back into the living room. Where he was met by the T.V. "This is outrageous, someone has kidnapped Squidward."

When the T.V. didn't respond Patrick continued, "But it gets worse, they trashed Squidward's house!" Patrick stomped his feet to drive home his point, but he stepped on the remote.

"Today's weather will be mild..."

"NOBODY CARES!"

Patrick grabbed the T.V. and threw it across the room.

"Today's weather will be mild", Patrick mocked. "Today's weather sucks!"

Patrick stomped out of Squidward's house. "I'm getting to the bottom of this."


	2. Chapter 2

**THE INTERVIEW**

Patrick sat behind his desk. The lamp on top of it was the only thing keeping the room dimly lit.

Patrick stared at Gary. "Look buddy, I need answers." "I can be the good cop or the other one."

"Meow."

"Don't get smart with me Mr.!" Patrick went to the back of the room. After a couple of minutes he returned with a bottle of shampoo. Patrick put the bottle on his desk.

"Does this look familiar?" Patrick inquired.

Gary narrowed his eyes, "Meow."

"What do you mean I stole it." "I'm talking about you not me."

"Meow."

"I'm lying to myself?" "I am not!" Patrick rubbed his chin. "You're playing mind games with me." "But, I have no reason to believe you would kidnap Squidward..."

"Meow..."

"Hold on I'm not finished." Patrick got out of his seat. "I'll let you go, for now."

Gary nonchalantly got out of his seat and slivered his way toward the exit.

"Don't think you're off the list yet", Patrick said as he watched Gary leave. "Oh, and tell the next person they can come in."

Patrick heard the rock open and shut. Then he heard the muffled sound of, "Meow Mow Mow Mow."

_Must be Gary trying to bribe Krabs into lying. He'll do anything for a dollar, even cover up a kidnapping._

Patrick's thoughts were interrupted as he heard the rock open and close again.

"Welcome Eugene."

"Patrick!" "I thought you said you needed help opening you're piggy bank.." Patrick threw a pair of underwear over Mr. Krabs .

Patrick grabbed the underwear and draped it over his head. "I'll do the talking around here."

"Peetruk!" "Mhhhhhh, lit mme guo!"

Patrick let out an evil chuckle. "Oh don't worry Eugene, I'll let you go." "If you give me the inform... stuff, I want."

"Lek whet"

"You know what!" "Where is Squidward!"

Mr. Krabs quit squirming, "Sqdwerd es mesing?"

Patrick took the underwear off Mr. Krabs. "Uh yeah."

Mr. Krabs pondered. "That's odd, he was at work today."

"Oh,Oh,Oh!" "Go see if he's still there."

Without asking questions, Mr. Krabs took his excuse to leave and left.

_Darn it! Forgot to tell him to bring in the next person._

The rock opened and closed. _Oh good he came in anyway.__  
_

Spongebob walked in. "Patrick, what's all this stuff I keep hearing about Squidward being kidnapped?"

"Oh, Spongebob." "I'm glad to see you, why don't you just take a seat and I'll explain everything."

"Whatever you say buddy." Spongebob walked over and took a seat.

Patrick went to the back of the house and got out a water. "Want something to drink?"

"Sure", said Spongebob. He raised himself up to get out of the chair, but he wouldn't budge. "Patrick, I think you're chair is broken."

"Huh huh huh." "Huh huh huh!" "HUH HUH HUH HUH HUH!" Patrick pulled Elmers Glue (or whatever the crap it's called) out of his pants. "You're stuck Squarepants."

"Patrick let me go!"

Ignoring Spongebob, Patrick continued, "I SUPERglued you're chair." "Heh Heh Heh."

"Patrick have you lost you're mind!"

Patrick started to lick the desk (don't ask why), and then stared at Spongebob. "Why no Spongebob I haven't lost my mind." "Put I've lost a very important friend of mine."

Spongebob started to shake back and forth in his chair trying to find a way to escape. "Patrick I don't know what happened to Squidward..."

"LIAR!" "You planned this out from the beginning." "You knew this would happen."

"Patrick I don't know what you're talking about!"

Patrick slammed his hands on the desk in frustration. "You don't remember this?" He pulled out a box of Bosley Hair Grower.

All the drama started to melt.

"Patrick I'm not even for sure what that is."

Patrick crossed his hands over his chest. "Sure you don't", he mocked sarcastically. "I lost my Hair Grower today after leaving Squidward's house and coming back to mine." "Just admit it Spongebob you want me bald".

While Patrick had been talking Spongebob had managed to scratch all of the glue off his chair. "Patrick.. I thought you were looking for Squidward."

"Oh yeah..."

"Knock, Knock, Knock!"

Patrick turned around to address the knocker. "Hello!" "Come in!"

The rock opened and Squidward came in. "Will you idiots keep it down!" "I've had such a great night out, the last thing I want to hear on my way back home is hear you idiots argue over hair products!"

No response.

"We'll, are you two idiots going to say something?"

"SQUIDWARD!" Spongebob and Patrick ran up to Squidward and hugged him in unison.

"We missed you Squidward", said Spongebob.

Squidward narrowed his eyes. "Spongebob you worked with me all day."

Spongebob put a finger up to his lips, "Oh yeah..."

Squidward shook his head, "Believe it or not I expected better out of you." Then he turned toward Patrick, "And you..."

Squidward was interrupted as Patrick yellled in triumph, "Squidward!" "The kidnapper has returned you!"

Squidward stuttered, "Pa.. Pah.. Patrick!" "What are you talking about?"

Patrick shrugged his shoulders, "You went missing, so I thought somebody kidnapped you."

Squidward took a deep breath in and out. "Patrick." "How many times do I have to tell you?" "I went to work, we go over this everyday."

"Oh yeah..."

Squidward facepalmed. "I'm going home, you idiots need to do the same." Squidward walked out and slammed the rock.

_Oh No! The house!_

Patrick followed Squidward out the rock. "Squidward wait!" "There's something I need to tell you!"_  
_

Squidward ignored him and opened the door.

"SPONGEBOB!" "PATRICK!"


End file.
